To those who shed the tears for the late

'I'm really really happy...seeing you here...'



The cold touch of her frail hand caressing his cheek was like a lash of whip on his heart. Seeing her like this, reduced to nothing by a vegetable, waiting for her time. That ever smiling woman he loved, is now facing the threshold of her end, yet all she cares about is making him stop cry. Instead of worrying about herself, about death...



'Crying...doesnt suit you...I prefer...seeing you with that arrogant smile...'



But how the hell can he smile? She's dying for heaven's sake! How can she expect him to smile when he cant even utter a single word? When everything inside him is raging with pain and guilt, gnawing at his pride. How can she be so selfish?



'Seriously...I was happy that they....finally took that annoying vent machine off...and they had those monitoring stuff silenced...but here you are...bawling like an infant...'



He wanted to stop crying. He wanted to show her he's tough. But he cant. These tears kept on rolling down, his voice stolen by his guilt. He's so pathetic...



Her grip on his hand tightened, as that cute smile of hers appeared. 'Please, dont cry...you'll just make it harder for me...'



"I cant..."



'It's not your fault...I chose this...it was never your fault...'



"But--"



'During those times we were together, even though we were fighting, I was still happy. Because, you were the first person to accept me as who I am. Not as the daughter of some rich guy, or some crap. You made me feel alive. You were the reason I was living. And now, it feels like I can die in peace...'



"You cant die! You cant! There's so many things we need to talk about! And things we need to do! And, and...there's still so much more to do ...I cant live without you...."



'You can...And you wont be alone.... I'm going to be up in the sky...watching over you...just like...Tenshi...our dog...'



"That's not the same... its not the same! I want you here beside me. Here! I dont want to be away from you! I want to spend the rest of my life with you! So please...stop talking like that... Please..."



'I love you too...so much...'

ooooOOOOoooo

Her life finally ceased after a week. Two days after his first visit, she succumbed into a comatose state. Claire explained to him that there will be changes in her body around this time, and he will be able to tell when the time is near. Especially when her breathing would turn ragged and would pause for a long moment. Those times would be the most painful to bear. The doctor said she would be leaving anytime soon, but somehow she lasted through the week. She passed away around 1 AM. He was there beside her as her labored breathing finally ceased and the glimmer of life extiguished from her eyes. He held her hand through out tha night, even after Claire and her attending physicians declared her dead. Her sister, Cael was present at that time too. She stood there, quietly waiting for the last breath. Everytime she's in the room, she would have this stoic look in her face, as if she was watching some stranger die. But every time her breath would pause, Cael would leave the room and head out to the waiting room. There, her cries of grief echoing within the four corners of the room would burst out. She did that at least 5 times. Amazing how Cael can be so full of control.

Her funeral was held a day after. It was held in the family summer house, her favorite place. They plan to bury her by the lagoon at the back of the summer house, where other family relatives were buried. But for her case, they erected a special Memorial stone for her made out of marble, courtesy of the people she helped back in college. There were a lot of people who came, most of were their common friends, and people she helped during those outreach programs she sponsored. Her family, known for their mundane sense of perfection, shattered into pieces of grief and sorrow as they mourned. It was only her sister who didnt broke into tears, during the funeral. It was amazing that she was able to keep a straight face during the eulogy, considering the fact that she was the closes to her. It seems she had cried all the tears she could that night, with only dark holes to prove the existence of her grief.

"I'm sure, where ever she is right now--" He couldnt bear to hear Claire talk about her. He broke up with Claire on the very same day her found out of her condition. Claire, a usual didnt even batt an eyelash when he told her about Kaerie. Instead, she assigned herself to the case. And during those painful ordeals, Claire stood by him quietly comforting his tears. She was patient enough to accept all his anger and guilt as he lashes out. All those times, she was there...beside him...

As for him, he couldnt bear himself to enter the Summer House. he was afraid that he'll break down again. Or throw up. He hasnt been eating for the past few days, and lately he would throw up out of nowhere. Claire would give him some juice or snacks everynow and then, but he couldnt keep it in. It's like his body doesnt want to live anymore. He completely ignored his hygiene during that week too. If it wasnt for Cael splashing a sup of juice on his face, Claire wouldnt have been able to convince him to take at least a shower, if not a bath. Haggard and exhausted, too tired and empty, he stood outside the Summer House's gates mourning.

'Mister...why are you standing here?' It was a girl, pulling at his sleeve. He wanted to push the girl away but, somehow he cant. Somehow...

'Say mister, my friend wants to talk to you...she said she wants to say good bye...' He didnt respond. He just allowed himself to be dragged by the little girl to where ever hell she wants to take him to.

'Mister..we're here.' He didnt want to look. But the familiar barking of a dog made him change his mind. The familiar reddish brown and white coat of a Malamute barking at him, by the lagoon. And beside the malamute was...

"Kaerie"

'You seriously look pathetic. Cael was right.' Her giggle seems so alive. So real...

'Tenshi and I wanted to say our last good bye to you. I really felt bad leaving without saying any goodbye to you, so I asked if I could get a chance to talk to you one last time.'

"Kaerie...kaerie...Kaerie..."With out any hesitation, he threw his arms around her, enveloping her in his tight embrace. Bursting into tears, while chanting her name...

'You look silly. It's not like you.'

"I dont care. I just want to be beside you."

'I cant. But someone can.'

" I dont need anyone else but you..."

'You'll be able to come into terms with everything. You'll be able to move on. And you wont be alone. She'll be right by your side, ready to catch you.'

"I want Kaerie, no one else."

'Geez. You're more of a whiner that Cael. Cael said the same thing. But you know better. I cant stay. But I trust you'll make the right decision. Dont make her cry ok?'

"Ms. Kaerie, it's almost time." The little girl appeared again, tugging at her sleeve, while playing with Tenshi, the malamute.

She gave him a peck on the cheek as she wiped his tears. 'You havent said a word to Tenshi. She really missed you a lot y'know.'

A smile was forced as he bent down to pet the malamute. "Looks like they're feeding you more than usual. You've gotten fatter and heavier the last time."

The dog barked as it began licking his tears. "I miss you a lot buddy~"

"It's time..."

'Well now, Good Bye...'

oooOOooo

He found himself laying in the hospital bed. Turns out he fainted during the lowering of the casket. Apparently out of exhaustion and dehydration. According to the doctor, he has been out for 2 days, and that his girlfriend patiently waited till he opens his eyes.

Girl friend? Kaerie?

No...

Claire...